We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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