He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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