I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
