There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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