All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
