I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
