Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
