really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
