She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
tell me about the eggs
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
