I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
