Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
