it was like his penis was on wheels.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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