you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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