I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
