come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize