quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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