yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
