My hand turned me down
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
