What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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