OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
