I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
