Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
