I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
