we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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