woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
