Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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