I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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