I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
