Can Purell be used as lube?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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