quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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