The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
