Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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