how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
