I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
