i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
