my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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