i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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