Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize