oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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