So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
