i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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