the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
