I must be too annoying 4 u.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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