ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
