Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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