My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
