his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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