Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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