How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
