Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
