I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
this will be a night to untag.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
