You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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