I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
