I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
