This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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