Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
