There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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