last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
