I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
