i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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