Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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