If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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