She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
