The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
