so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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