i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
