yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
