Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
